Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy

Motherhood is something that feels so natural to me, but seems so weird when you stop to think about it.

We are responsible for this little person, that my husband and I made and I continued to grow inside of my body. At about 10 months, doctors decided to evict said little person, and after 3 days in the hospital, she was sent home with us, the only real requirements being that we would bring her for a follow up doctor appointment and knew how to put her in a car seat.

When we first brought her home, I kept thinking that I needed some proof of documentation that she was indeed mine. Like I was going to be carded for having a baby. As time has gone by, I feel she is ours more and more, not just a little love that we're watching temporarily.

If children were adults, they would be the moochiest freeloaders ever. Sometimes, I think, "Boy, she's just getting so big, look at all the things she can do." But really, she's a blob. She naps like 3 - 5 hours a day, sleeps 12 hours a night and still has the audacity to be cranky and tired throughout the day. Same goes for eating. How can you eat like 5 - 7 times a day and still act like you've been starving at every meal, unable to wait for your mother to even move her shirt to expose her boob enough for you to latch. And still, we do this every meal.

But still, this helpless yet defiantly independent person teaches you so many new things. She has brought so much joy and love into my life that I didn't know was missing. Our Nina is such a happy little girl most of the time, its just infectious. I am happier because of her. If she's ok, then I really have no reason not to be happy. I want to smile because she is smiling, or I want to smile to make her smile. I want to be silly and fun to make her laugh. I want everything to be OK so she never has to be sad or cry in pain or distress. I can't think about her without being happy.

I love my husband so much more because he brought this sweet little person into the world with me. I love him more because when I see how much he loves his little girl my heart melts. I love him because he can make her laugh and smile even better than me and I think that makes him an awesome parent. I love how they have this easy camaraderie where she just trusts that he knows what he's doing to and follows his lead when he's in charge. I love overhearing him telling her silly things or making fun of me.    

Overall, I have to say life is just wonderful right now. I know that its not always going to be and that parenthood comes with its share of challenges but we've been so blessed for these past 6 months and I wouldn't trade a minute for anything.

Our Baby Story: Long overdue...

So after being 5 days late, our doctor's group decided an induction was in order. So at 7:30 on Tuesday, 5/15/2012, our 2 year anniversary, we checked in for our induction. They placed cervadil in me at around 10:45 am and by 11 am I was feeling contractions. I contracted unhappily for the whole day and night. The next morning when they checked me I was a whopping 2 cm. The broke my water and let me go on contracting. About 2 pm that day, after 30 hours of labor, I opted for an epidural. After getting yelled at by the anesthesiologist for moving, we settled back in to rest. At around 7 pm, back labor hit and my epidural was no help. Around that time, I puked all over Brian multiple times, cried hysterically for a while and then got yelled at by my doctor for being a whimp. I was maybe 4 cm. At 10:30 pm, I was 4.5 cm. So I had taken over 12 hours to go 2.5 cm. At this point my doctor realized that our baby was not progressing down the birth canal was probably stuck. Since I had been in labor for 38 hours at this point, my uterus was no longer forcefully contracting and so the hope of a vaginal delivery was gone. They prepped me for a c-section in record time and by 11:31 pm, our little love was born.

While prepping for surgery, the doctor insisted the baby was a boy. She said it looked just like a boy until she pulled out the bottom to reveal our little Nina. I didn't get to see Nina until about 5 minutes later when she was wrapped like a baby burrito. I got to kiss her sweet face and then she and Brian went off to the nursery to make sure she was ok. I got to stay in the OR getting put back together and freezing my insides off. At least the cranky anesthesiologist was nice and got me warm blankets so I didn't shiver to death. I had to wait in the recovery room for them to bring the baby and my hubby back, so I got my first good nap in days. After that, they still hadn't brought the baby back and so I began to hound the recovery nurse to call the nursery. Later, I was told this had really only been like and hour and fifteen minutes...I would have sworn it was like four hours. They finally brought the baby in so I could hold her and feed her and just see all her sweetness. We stayed in the recovery room until like 2 am as per hospital policy eventhough I felt fantastic.

We then went back to our room where my mom, dad and Marisa were waiting to hold Nina. They had met her in the nursery. They stayed to love her, and later Brian's dad came to meet her. At about 5 am, we finally got some much needed rest. Our hospital stay was pretty uneventful aside from lots of living visitors. We worked on breastfeeding and sleeping. Aside from being forced to give the baby some formula because she was ravenous for some real food, things went smoothly. We went home three days after her birth on May 19th to begin our lives as a family.

Don't Say no no no no no, Just Say yeah yeah yeah

"Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready."

So today marks the end of week 37 with tomorrow beginning week 38 of our pregnancy. I can't say I've loved being pregnant. I feel like normally, I'm not a big whiner, but being pregnant has made me pretty miserable on a lot of occasions. Still, to know there is a little baby that Brian and I created growing bigger in me everyday makes all the crappy stuff seem worth it. Now I just can't wait to meet the little monster.

Who would have thought that after all the hard months in the beginning, that the last 3 weeks are the hardest. The doctor tells you your baby is fine if its born from such and such a date on, and you think, "WOW, this could happen tonight." And then nothing happens. Or better yet, since you're not really sure what birthing a baby feels like, you think maybe something is happening, wait excitedly to find out, no, its still not time. Every week you go to the doctor hoping they're give you some great news, and its more of the same, "You and the baby look great, keep up the good work."

At this point I can't wait till its go time, but obviously, I have no choice either. I welcome the pain of labor and delivery because at least then I'll know there is a definite time limit on when this kid comes out to us. Until then, we'll keep doing our best to get little Scootie prepared for their exodus.

Peas Join Us Soon

This weekend was a wonderful reminder of what great friends and family we have. We got showered with love and adorable presents for our little Scootieboo. The theme of the party was peas in a pod and I have to say Marisa and my mom pulled it off beautifully. Now we have 9 weeks left until we can dress the baby up like a mini packers fan and introduce them to Pooh bear :)

Either Or

Boy or girl? Yellow or green? Heads or tails up? So many things to wonder about lately. I love to look down at my belly and see the little lump has changed from nice and round to lopsided left or right or super stuck out vs "hiding. " 15 weeks to go!

Vote on what baby is...http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FLP6PL7

20/20 Vision

This is a day late, but anyway, yesterday we got to do our 20 week anatomy ultrasound where we got to see that our baby has the right parts in the right places. The guy says everything looks right on track so we are getting more excited about our little baby in there. We did not find out the sex, eventhough I pretty much caved the 3 hours before and on the car ride over. Brian refused to give in and the ultrasound guy could not have cared less. I think his words were "I wasn't going to tell you anyway..."

But really, I'm not sad not knowing, and seeing the little skeleton, heart, kidneys, hands and feeties that I can't wait to kiss was more than enough. I can't get over how cute those little tootsies were. We also can see a better little face now. We found out the baby is sitting very low this week, with its head down and fists hitting me right below the belly button. I feel it moving a lot, sometimes what I imagine must be a full body stretch, sometimes little taps like dialing for take out, sometimes cannonballs on my bladder and once in a while something that feels like a cartwheel.

Here are some more recent belly photos eventhough we have not been religiously doing one per week...

Week 16

Week 18

Week 20

Excited big sister waiting for her little baby to love :)

Scrambled eggs, blessing or curse?

So we have been doing much better. The baby moves whenever it is hungry and then just after eating. Sometimes in between too, but around meal times it is most consistent. We have not had many episodes of nausea or vomiting unless again it is meal time. Are we sensing a trend yet? The baby Brian and I are expecting likes to eat, who would have thought! We have still been a little picky about food. Chinese and taco bell are still not favorites, just tolerable, and sushi looks and sounds great (but we can't have it). Lately the favorite foods have been oranges, vanilla yogurt and scrambled eggs with cheese. Chicken salad has been another amazing treat. We were doing really well with a two week no vomiting streak until this morning when I decided to brave washing an old scrambled egg pan and.... But still, I am feeling a whole lot more energetic and happy and back to my almost pre-pregnancy self who just needs to eat more frequently and has a little Scootieboo who kicks me :)

Wiggle Worm

So last Friday was the first time we thought we might be feeling baby moving around. I felt like someone was tap tapping me from the inside...Since then, most nights at around 8 PM when I lay down to relax, I can feel little wiggles and pokes, very faint, but like someone is flicking me in the tummy. At first I didn't believe it, since supposedly new moms feel the first kicks later on, but there isn't anything else there anatomically other than uterus to be feeling. So hooray for the first good pregnancy symptom amongst the other crappy ones :) SO far Brian has only been able to feel the hiccups since they come pretty regularly, but we're happy our little Scootie is making him/herself know.

There's a baby in there!

Above: Week 5 my tummy's baseline

Week 8: Baby or first trimester bloat?

Week 13: Definitely the beginning of a baby bump.

So yesterday began week 13, the last week of of the first trimester. I can't wait to see what it brings, since so far, every week has brought on some pretty uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms. Is it bad that I read the second trimester symptoms and think...heart burn, gas and back pain sound pretty awesome compared to "morning sickness," headaches and gut wrenching constipation? Still, we continue on, me and this baby, learning what does and does not work day to day. I can say I'm generally less sick in the mornings now, but still pretty miserable by 4 pm. At least I'm getting a little break from nausea and vomiting...

This week, we've been on a ground beef, apple, banana, and candy binge. Milk, OJ, grilled chicken and spinach have been acceptable along with pizza of any form, green beans and homemade smoothies. Fried chicken, popcorn and lemon Italian ice are loosing their appeal, sadly. Bubble water continues to be a day to day puzzle whether it will help or make things worse. Aside from the candy, I would say on a whole, we're eating a little more healthy.

Things I've tried this week that I have found to be amazing: Tropicana OJ, everything bagels, tootsie rolls, peanut m & m's, homemade sloppy joe's, Dots and hot cocoa made with milk...aside from the sloppy joes, none of these things were pre-pregnancy favorites.

We are super excited to see the baby in 2 days, as we are hoping to hear a healthy little heart beat and see a more baby-like image on the screen :)

Everyday I'm Shufflin

So, we're at like 12 and a half weeks which means we are on the very tail end of the first trimester. This sickness business has seemed to get worse over the past week, but I'm hopeful that something magical will happen and it will poof and disappear soon!

Last weekend we went to Teresa and James's wedding and the best I felt in the past 3 months or so was dancing. We've decided that whenever Bon Jovi or dance music is playing, my tummy feels better. God help the world, there really is a little Brian growing inside of me. Now, not only do I eat what he likes, but I listen to more music he likes in the hope of feeling like a human being.

We go next Friday to see little Scootiebooboo on ultrasound again and I cannot wait to see how big he/she has gotten! Off to clean up our messy messy house...

Retro Post: The Pitter Patter of Little Fetus

It seems that on Tuesday, our little baby turns from an embryo to a fetus which ups our chances of carrying this pregnancy to term. We went last Monday and saw the little tadpole and heard its fast little heart beat (168 beats per minute) so that bodes well for us. It has a four chamber heart now, its tail is disappearing and its about 5/8 of an inch. We've told our families and some friends and coworkers at this point. Morning sickness is rather hard to disguise. We'll make a big reveal when I get past being so worried about the what ifs. Brian would yell at me right now, since he wants only a positive attitude from this incubator.

Still, its feeling more real and getting more exciting by the day. I hopefully have less than a month left of "morning sickness" which seems to be controlled only by popcorn and pregnancy tea from Debbie and constant munching all day. I've gained enough weight so that my work pants are getting pretty uncomfortable, and so I've given in and bought scrubs in 4 colors to make it through the next few months until I fit into maternity pants. I can't say I'm sad about the weight gain, I just wish it was more of a bump than a widening of my overall abdomen that looks more like ascites than a baby. Once its a full on baby belly, I'm going to be so excited, since this will be the one time in life that its ok to have a pudgy tummy.

Still, as much as I say I eat all day, its all pretty healthy stuff...fiber one cereal, yogurt, apples, almonds, 100 calorie packs of crackers, whole wheat toast with low fat PB, whole wheat english muffins, oatmeal, low fat/sodium popcorn. Our main vices are cheese and fried chicken, but since those stave off the vomiting, we're going to have to deal.

Retro Post: This Man

Brian has been so great these past few weeks. Some examples...

• Taking out the garbage to keep me from throwing up.
• Trying to keep up with my eating wishes so me and baby are fed.
• Making sure I have healthy snacks available to eat throughout the day and night.
• Getting up at 1 and 2 in the morning to get me a snack so my "morning sickness" will calm down.
• Coming home after over 12 hours at Stockton to bring me pancakes and mac and cheese, then watching me throw both up and still sleeping on the couch with me all night because I couldn't get comfy in bed.
• Giving up nights of video games to cater to my whining, nauseous pleas for random things...blue Gatorade, peanut butter granola bars, pancakes, jelly toast
• Putting up with my random aversions to bad breath, garbage, meatballs, dried fruits, etc without saying a word
• Rush ordering Sea-Bands on the day of the launch of his website because my "morning sickness" is so bad and I'm desperate.

So thank you to my wonderful husband. The little baby and I thank you for keeping us from unnecessary vomiting, starvation and a diet of strictly macaroni and fried chicken!

Retro Post: "morning sickness"

So almost 7 weeks into this pregnancy thing and I think my "morning" sickness is almost in full force. Except for its morning, noon and night. I thought at least sleep would make it better, but I wake up nauseous with stomach aches throughout the night. If I'm not eating, then I'm feeling queasy and trying to stop from gagging. Fun! I really am happy to be pregnant, but would prefer to be one of the 25% of women who avoids this. Still, its a sign that the little peanut is attached and sucking the life out of me which must be a good thing.

For posterity's sake...

Things that make me gag/vomit
-smell of old food
-smell of garbage
-bad breath
-have i mentioned garbage?
-bleach/ cleaning products
-raw meat

Things that appeal
-peanutbutter
-peanuts/ nuts in general
-JELLY
-fried chicken
-cheese
-italian/ mexican and greek food
-popcorn

Things I can barely tolerate but used to love
-yogurt
-cookies
-cottage cheese
-taco bell

Retro post: Lucky Number 5

So, although this post will reach the internet world, much after it is written, here is the scoop.

After a weekend of driving to north jersey for Aunt Mary's surprise party: during which Peach managed to pop Wrinkles' eyeball out and incur a ridiculous vet bill, we returned home. I wasn't feeling particularly well that weekend, but chalked it up to poor eating, driving and exhaustion. We returned on Monday evening at about 5 pm. I begged Brian to let me just shower and go to bed, but he insisted we go to Maurizio's for a little couple's dinner.

Side bar to this story, on the ride home, we discussed my complaints of not feeling well and joked that maybe I was pregnant. So we were home and I was procrastinating going out, so I asked Brian if we could do a pregnancy test just to rule out that was not the problem...as unlikely as we thought it would be.

We had previously agreed that when the time came for a test, although he would not watch me pee on a stick, he would be only a few feet away to view the results. This may be TMI, but while peeing on the stick, I'm watching the plus sign form with severe disbelief. As quickly as possible I finish with my business, cap the test and gently place it on the counter like that might make the plus sign go away. I open the door to Brian and say "You're ridiculous." He asks why. I reply something like "Its a plus sign, apparently I'm pregnant?!?!" He then proceeds to check that I read it right. (Apparently he has more experience with these things than I do or I just looked irrational). But on Clear Blue Easy tests, it says + = pregnant - = not pregnant, for those of us who throw the boxes away to keep down clutter. So we had a positive test. We then proceeded out to dinner where I was surprised by friends gathered to celebrate with us. Imagine how difficult not to blurt out our big news! Finding out I was pregnant on my birthday = best news ever!

With much denial and confusion and tamped down excitement, I proceeded through the next day at work. When we got home, I demanded a second test, hoping it would feel more real. This test came back with the same joyous results. I just couldn't believe it.

Now, writing this 4 days later, I'm not sure I've accepted it. I've made out first appointment to see our little embryo on the 28th of the month. I've read the pregnancy book cover to cover. Aside from initial queasiness in the evenings, I've been feeling ok, but supposedly the horrible symptoms hit next week. My boobs hurt, I've been drinking and peeing like crazy, and my nose is a whole new thing. I can smell garbage or onions from a mile away. I've also had these twinges in my hip and groin/lower abs that feel like a sprain which is apparently round ligament pain. This is supposed to only plague people further along, but I must have overdone it these past few days.

So far, I've been preferring mac and cheese and greek food. I'm not sure if I would call them a craving or just a weird preference when nothing else sounds good. For those of you who know me, chinese food is one of my favorites, but that sounds and smells awful these days. Also, foods that I eat all the time now taste different. Things seem really sour to me all the time eventhough Brian assures me they are not.

I'm very nervous about the pregnancy aspect for the next few months because I'm probably over educated on the matter and generally negative about outcomes for myself. I worry about miscarriage, birth defects I can cause my baby through various methods (radiation, food, infections, etc), and stillbirth (thanks, Secret Life of the American teenager). I'm trying to just be positive and enjoy this experience. I even bought some very on sale maternity pants to make it seem more permanent. I am anxiously waiting to see the OB and find out that our little peanut is growing as expected and will be joining us this May, just in time for our 2 year anniversary!

Anything...

"Courage is the triumph of the soul
I know where I wanna walk; I know where I wanna go
Come put your hand in mine
Everybody's welcome

Music is what God wants us to do
Sing a song for me and I'll sing a song for you
When we put our voices together,
We create a harmony

And we bring you some love a love a love; love a love a love a love a love a love
Yeah you can sing if you want to
Its love a love a love, love a love a love a love a love a, la la love
Now we've got you
All I want to share with you is all my love, its all I really care to do

Champion the idea of one love
All people the same
One beautiful race
Making a home of this beautiful place
And be grateful for the precious gifts of life
Sunshine and Water
Food from the greatest giver

Anything you want can be yours at anytime
Anything you want can be yours at anytime

Its love a love a love, love a love a love a love a love a love
Sing out the words
Sing out the words
It's love a love a love, love a love a love a love a love a, la la love
Now we know all I want to share with you, it's all I know, it's all I really care to do
'Cause anything you want can be yours at anytime
All I want to share with you is all my love, its all I really care to do
Anything you want can be yours at anytime"

"Breakfast in my face. That's Convenient."

Its been a while again since I have graced this blog with my presence. For the past 4 months, which I can't believe how quickly they flew by, I've been making more of an effort to be off of facebook and doing some sort of exercise. Thus, less time for blogging, stalking and sitting around in general.

We are most recently back from a week in New England, first stopping in Salem, NH followed by Boothbay with Brian, Brandon, Peach and myself. This year we were unable to go at the same time as my parents and were on vacation solo. It was a relaxing week of laying around reading, swimming, tanning and playing with Peach. Brian had to do some homework as he continues to work towards getting his MBA, but he and Brandon made time in their schedules to hang out with me playing cards, minigolfing, practical joking and such. The weather was beautiful and it was wonderful to see family we have not seen in a while.

Some pictures below of our adventures...

Shelter

"I guess you don't need it
I guess you don't want me to repeat it
But everything I have to give I'll give to you

Listen when
All of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
And I will shelter you

I will shelter you
I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken
Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you

It's hard to believe it
Even as my eyes do see it
The very things that make you live are killing you

Listen when all of this around us'll fall over
I tell you what we're gonna do
You will shelter me my love
I will shelter you."

Would you lay with me and just forget the world?

This weekend has been the first in which we have gotten to just have a weekend. Brian's weekend started thursday night, but mine started friday night meeting the boys for a yummy Maurizio's Dinner. On saturday, we went to a work party for Brian, followed by time to relax and catch up on TV shows, laundry and paying bills. Later, we met Marisa and Jon for dinner at Gourmet and discussed plans for a joint Disney trip next spring which I am so excited about (amongst teaching me about politics and government and such). This morning, we slept late! I stayed in bed until 11 am!!! Then we went to Taco Bell, Gamestop and BJs for our monthly shopping trip. Now we just have a few hours left of our weekend to lay around. I should probably do something like put the laundry away or exercise or plant grass seed or bag up debris, but its nice to know we could do nothing if we wanted :)

It May be June Continued

May 23rd marked Peach's first birthday! I can't believe our baby is not a baby anymore. She is so sweet and getting to be a better girl every day. She sleeps indefinitely now when there isn't company and jumps a lot less. She loves everyone, but mommy and daddy most. She still loves to sleep on feet, swipe socks from god knows where, eats fruits and veggies for fun, has learned her boundaries in our home and pack. I am so glad we have her. Since Brian is at school for so long working on his masters, Peach and I spend most nights snuggling.

Groom's Cake

Mr. and Mrs. Rad

Our next big event was Jen and Steve's wedding weekend. I had volunteered to make the groom's cake for the rehearsal dinner so this was my project for the time from when we got home from Disney until their wedding. After 10+ hours of baking, scultping, drawing, planning, etc, I created my first huge cake, 30 pounds or so! Their wedding was so fun we were sore from the dancing afterwards and we are so happy to see another couple enter into a loving marriage.,

Other than that, I've been to the doctor's a few times for tests to see why I am so tired all the time amongst other weird symptoms. They've checked my heart murmur and have pretty much declared it healthy with the fine print I have to have it rechecked in 6 months after starting a cardio routine. They also checked my thyroid which is apparently eating itself, so I am now taking medicine to replace the hormones I was not getting. With exercising and actually having thyroid hormone in my system, plus not working so many hours, I am not so tired all the time. I feel pretty good most days :)

The other thing people have been frequently asking, is when baby Pluchino will be coming. The answer: not in the near future, but we'll keep you posted on when the right time for us is :)

So for now, things to look forward to this summer...our annual trip to Maine, the birth of Emma (Debbie and Steve's baby), our family visiting from New Hampshire, Shiv moving into his new home, our one year adoption anniversary of Peach, the start of football season for Brian and his last semester of GRAD SCHOOL!!!

It May be June

As you can see, I have not written for a bit. Not for lack of trying. I sit down and pull up a blank post and try to write, but no words come. Sometimes I feel like I lead a very boring life. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with it. But right now, I just don't have too much going on.

We went to Disney from the 11th through the 18th. It was fantastic to get away and play for 8 days. We got to spend our one year anniversary in the most magical place on earth! The weather was much better this year for those who do not like heat, and there were times where I complained of being too cold! I found myself at work yesterday daydreaming of when we will go back. I guess Disney is still not out of my system. We even discussed with the people the idea of buying a time share for there, something to think about in the future when we have more money saved.



While we were out, my parents did us the favor of house sitting, puppy loving and home demolition-ing. They gave our house a face lift, oversaw the removal of 13 trees from our property and performed a variety of little projects in and outside our house such as fixing the fences to painting a few pieces of furniture. They also took up our job of keeping Maurizios in business.