Bye Bye Bun Bun

So Marley is being adopted by one of my coworkers and her family in order to relieve my mother of bunny duties. Some pictures of him below on his last evening with us. Hopefully now he will live a happy life with people who love to see him every minute and spend time playing with him. I'll miss having him, but I think this will be a happier life for him.

A bit of this and that

So I'm getting married to this goof ball who can't even be serious for the 2 seconds it should take to get his "portrait" taken.

I'm working 48 hour weeks, but I get to spend one day a week playing with toddlers and babies which is challenging, scary but also going to be great for my career.

I got to go home this weekend and spend time with my parents which is always a delight. And I get a half day on monday to spend with my mom, in addition to the holiday season.

Brian and I have begun the quest of finding a house that we like that we can afford, so this too had kept us busy and allowed us to spend more time together mulling over budgets, and real estate websites and being grown ups some more.

149 days to go until our wedding :)

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

So its been a while since I've had a few spare minutes to sit and type here. Work has been good. More and more fluid and comfortable every day. And adding in new fun things like whirlpool and peds to my week makes it even more fun.

Home has been good too. A safe thanksgiving with my family and then Brian was a great start to the holiday season. It was the first family holiday that we have ever gotten to spend together. We also "launched" our wedding website, for our guests to save the date with. Our wedding is going to be small but hopefully a fun time.

http://www.weddingwire.com/BrianandMora

Last but not least, our beautiful Christmas tree was bought and decorated this past weekend and so it is now making our apartment feel grown up, smelling like a pine forest and feeling closer to Christmas...some pictures below :)




Also, we are finally engaged on Facebook...eventhough in real life we've been engaged for over 5 months now :)

No Pain, No Gain

So today was a sad day for my patients. Everyone seemed to be in non-relenting pain with no explicable or fixable cause. I always feel sympathy for pt's with knee or hip surgeries, but know that eventually they will get to a point where they feel relief and feel their results are totally worth the pain. Today, was not one of those days. From a pt crying to me in italian/ spanish that the brace we had worked so hard to get was making the pain worse. From the poor person who went from I to max A in a matter of a day due to a surgical complication. To doctors yelling at Pts because they are frustrated the ortho doctor is MIA, like PTs can magically locate the pain...maybe we've changed our profession and have X-ray vision now, on top of a DPT....but seriously...today was sad and depressing, and hopefully tomorrow, all the results come back and our pts are feeling less pain and more functional....HOPEFULLY!!!

Find a happy place :)

I just like this song...

Happy thought :)

"Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking 'round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies
And it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feelin' like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world, be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

When's this fever gonna break ?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
And it's alright
Bouncin' round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Every time I try to talk to you
Get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I get together, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

Slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
But about the same time you walk by
And I say oh here we go again, oh

Every time I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out, everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say why don't you and I get together an' take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I'll say why don't you and I get together take and on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
So I say why don't you and I hold each other, fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in

So I`ll say why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again"

Married People!

Marisa and Jonathan got married this weekend after much hubub and mayhem. Their wedding day was beautiful and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. Time spent with family was so much fun and it was great to even get to see cousins who do not often get a chance to visit. Wishing them a beginning of happily ever after :)

Housewifery

I wonder if there is an all encompassing term for the act of being a housewife? Although its pretty sweet not to have a bedtime and to be the person in the couple who can be flexible and tries to just make life easier for their significant other, I must say, its becoming tedious. I mean, I have a laundry routine, and I do at least one load of laundry a day. I remember times where I had not done laundry for 2 or 3 weeks and was forced to launder my clothes for a lack of panties. Now I find myself digging in the bottom of my undies drawer because I feel like I wear the same 2 pairs. There are also the things you VOWED would NEVER bother you, that I now find myself doing. Who would have thought I would get on my hands and knees each day and hand sweep all of the hairs off the white tile floor in our entrance hallway and bathroom? I guess we really do turn into our parents as we age. I even clean with windex sometimes because it smells so clean. I still love having a clean home, but really, its time to start a job. When you start to wonder how socks keep magically appearing at the end of your bed, when you swear you just washed the same pair, you obviously have too much time on your hands. I suppose I should consider diving a bit deeper into wedding planning, but the final details, such as finding a bartender and a limo are so not appealing to me that I have no desire to take these projects on with a whole heart.

Still, I really have absolutely no reason to complain. I'm marrying a wonderful man who makes me happier and happier each day. We spent yesterday hanging out and accidently creating the beginnings of a bridal registry and I think this fun and company of those last three days spoiled me for the rest of the week to be spent entertaining myself....

Its Official...

Our wedding date is set for 5/15/10. :) I continue the chronicles of a housewife, with wedding planning. I've been quite productive as far as planning. We have the following: a place, food, hopefully a photographer and an officiant. In the works are also hotel accommodations for wedding guests, a shuttle, a and limo :/. I am working on the preliminary research for invitations, decorations, cakes, flowers, hair, make-up, etc. Other than that, there is the daily tidy-ing up. I have been trying to do one productive project a day that has a measurable beginning and end. This past weekend Brian's friends came down, which was lots of fun :) We ate a lot and played wiffle ball and my time in peds must have paid off because I was not as horrible as usual! And so, life continues to be a wondeful thing and I certainly hope I continue to be blessed with such good fortune and happiness.

Birthday Happiness

So this year was probably the best birthday I could ever have. I moved in with Brian on friday which was lots of fun. Then on Saturday, we slept late, went to breakfast and then drove up to Stasia and Brad's wedding with Sheena and Abe. One the ride up, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday and tell me the results of my PT boards. I passed with an 89% :) Stefanie and Dennis made me yummy funfetti cupcakes. Sheena did my hair in a cool french twist/bun. We saw the beautful ceremony and ate so much good food. The next day we brought Brian's little brother home for the start of school :( We then stopped to visit with my parents. My mom made delicious ribs and we played Monopoly for a few hours. On monday we went and looked at a Clubhouse which we have decided to use for our wedding! The paperwork is in, so hopefully we will offically have set the date soon.

Peace and Harmony

So as it sit here on the couch, and should be reviewing my last physical therapy practice test, I cannot help but want to document the calm and harmony I feel at this moment. Although I miss my love horribly, this past month in Maine has been a blessing for healing old wounds, organizing myself and of course studying as many facts for my Physical Therapy boards prior to taking it. I still anticipate being hit by a bus, possibly in the form of failing my exam, but I hope this does not happen. For if it doesn't, I get to spend my time moving in with my fiance (i just love that word ;) ), unpacking and making that apartment a little more of my home, preparing for a career and WEDDING PLANNING. So my peace felt on this calm cool night is so nice, as I look forward to all the happy things to come.

Missing You

"Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain
Oooh, oooh, the aching
'Cause I'm missing you,
I'm missing you

Touch me deep, pure and true
Give to me forever
'Cause I'm missing you,
I'm missing you..."

Because my phone might explode with all the randomness....

Doug on Delay sweeping up all the grass he dragged in 3 hours later.
My attempt at Thai lettuce wraps and playing with my camera's focus.
More playing with the camera. Can you find what doesn't belong?

And further randomness...

To explain...My mother likes chocolate babies. They are tootsie roll like candy in the shape of babies. Of the chocolate babies...
Mom "Which one should I eat next, this one is small."
Me "Its a premie, eat it!"

Mom "The babies melted when I left them in the car!"
Dad "I'm calling DYFUS."
_____

Whats the difference between violence and graphic violence?
_____

We're not wasting tiramisu cake on your face! ~ Brian (and Shiv)

If your's is a nucleus, mine is a fried artichoke. ~Brian

Its fake wood...no its fake coconuts. ~Brian

After the first 3 bears, you don't like it anymore. ~Brian
_____

Whatever you are, be a good one. ~ Abe Lincoln
_____

I occasionally like to help all the humans. ~ Kramer
_____

Purple is the new orange. Myself to my father of the purple mild taco bell sauces in NY
_____

All the boys I like have autism. ~ Melissa Murphy
_____


Remember the rules:
"Treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a greek goddess, then a person again"
~Shawn in Psych

How to Spell Cleveland

So I drove the 7 hours to come and visit my Boo. Its been a nice visit, relaxing, catching up, eating lots, visiting the zoo and shopping. Since clinic has ended, this summer has been a hodgepodge and will continue to be so until I settle down in September. Still, traveling around spending time with friend and family has been a good time and so hopefully this will continue. :)

She is Love

Think of love personified...

"I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

Cause when that world slows down, dear.
And when those stars burn out, here.
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there,
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need"

...but really I just love this song :)

Look Both Ways

So I feel as though things in my life are going too well for me not to be hit by a bus or something else equally horrific. I'm engaged to be married to the sweetest (in a "generic off beat Italian sort of way"), most obnoxiously amusing and snuggly person I know. I just decided to accept a job that is going to pay me well and give me great vacation time and job options for the future. I no longer have to work for free. My clinical instructor wrote some of the nicest things about me as a professional, which coming from her is a big deal, as she is a tough cookie. She also gave me fun goodbye presents. I'm just bursting at the seams with happy thoughts and hope that something cataclysmic does not occur to ruin this fun ride.

Engaged :)

So on Friday night Brian proposed to me!!!! It was really unexpected but 100% welcome. Its a new chapter in our life as a couple, and I cannot really begin to express my happiness, excitement and feeling of peaceful calm. My ring is beautiful...see below.

Yesterday was spent breaking the news to my parents, cousin and her fiance, Brian's dad and then Brian's grandparents. We will slowly be telling other friends and family, but for now I just wanted to put something happy here :)

Gone in 2 Weeks

The changes that have occurred this week have been quite big and small. There was the arrival of the puppies, followed by barking, panicking and, my personal un-favorite, fleas. There were the job interviews. There were more job interviews. Then report cards from my clinic placement that were very very good. Then of course there are other happy thoughts to be shared at a later date. Needless to say, I was happy before 6:10 pm and now I'm not sure what to do with all my joy :)

Hodgepodge

So this has been my new favorite word. Hodgepodge. If you have ever seen the Honda Element commericals, you would know what I think of when I think of this word. The punch line is something like "Where does a platapus learn a word like hodgepodge?"

But really, this word appeals to me lately because it means a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but in a more positive way that mess, crazy, insane or ridiculous could describe. So instead of saying my life is a mess, I can say its a hodgepodge. A bunch of weird occurances and feelings all in once place.

Pleasure in the job...

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."

Although acute care uses maybe 30% of my PT skills, I have to say its so gratifying. Compared to working with little kids, who used about the same percentage of skills, at the moment, I have to say old people are winning. Why?

Pros of Old People

A little kid cries when its annoyed, scared or frustrated, which makes you look bad.
An old person curses, tells you hilariously delusional things, and even while they do these things, everyone else in your workforce understands and continues as usual.

A little kid does not want to go to PT unless you make it really fun.
An old person considers going from the bed to the commode PT and loves you for it.

A little kid will sneeze in your face.
An old person is more likely to pee on the floor.

Little kids will try to hug and kiss you which makes you get sick.
Old people are happy to just hold hands.

Cons of Old People

Little kids pee and poo in diapers, and they're accidents are generally unmessy.
Old people accidents are messy and smell much worse.

Little kids only flash you every so often.
Old people are bound to flash you 7 times a day.

Little kids can't hurt you too much physically.
An old person could potentially sqaush you.

Little kids therapy is like playing all day.
Old people therapy involves the bathroom a lot.

Little kids are not generally in excruciating pain.
Old people sometimes are.

Little kids usually have parents or caregivers and a good support system.
Old people are often sad, lonely and left to care for themselves when they really can't.

The similarities:

Often they both wear diapers.

They get cranky when woken from naps.

They like to be smiled at.

They like to talk about pets.

When you make them happy its a happy thing.

When you make a connection, you would do anything to help make them feel a little better if you can.


Either way, I'm happy to be a PT.

Do You Remember?

"Do you remember when we first met? I sure do
It was some time in early September
Though you were lazy about it, you made me wait around
I was so crazy about you, I didn't mind

So I was late for class, I locked my bike to yours
It wasn't hard to find, you'd painted flowers on
Guess that I was afraid that if you rolled away
You might not roll back my direction real soon

Well, I was crazy about you then and now
The craziest thing of all, over ten years have gone by
And you're still mine, we're locked in time
Let's rewind

Well all these times they come and go
And alone don't seem so long
Over two years have gone by
We can't rewind, we're locked in time
But you're still mine
Do you remember?"

Its 3:55 pm and I've heard this song 6 times already today...not voulunterily...

"I miss the sound of your voice

I miss the rush of your skin

I miss the still of the silence

as you breathe out and I breathe in

if I could walk on water

if i could tell you what's next

make you believe

make you forget

come on get higher

loosen my lips

faith and desire

and the swing of your hips

just pull me down hard

and drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice

the loudest thing in my head

and I ache to remember

all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

I feel the pull of your heart

I taste the sparks on your tongue

I see angels and devils and god when you come on

hold on...

it's all wrong

it's all wrong

it's all wrong, its so right

come on get higher

come on and get higher

because everything works in love"

May 15th

"Communication is depositing a part of yourself in another person."

Quote of the day from my calendar.

When There was Me and You

"It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you"

Doctor Jimenez

Today was graduation. I became a Doctor of Physical Therapy which is the result of 5 hard years of work.

Did you miss me?

"Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way"

Shimmer

"She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label

She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen on white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away..."

Bless the Broken Road

"I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

25 Things About Me

1. i'm excited to find a job and move on to that phase of my life regardless of the rest of my personal life...that's new.
   
2. i like to sing in the car...loudly, obnoxiously, and while drumming on the steering wheel when appropriate...of course not in front of other people
3. t shirt bed sheets are heavenly
4. i dislike showering in the morning
5. i like my hair curly just as much as i like it straight, sometimes better
   
6. i am a happy person most of the time
7. not many people understand my sense of humor, which is sad because some people just think i'm mean
8. i like to use "...." a lot
9. i really do prefer soy milk to regular milk
10. i would probably not mind being a vegetarian if big greasy hamburgers were allowed
11. i'm extremely impatient, but i'm pretty good at waiting impatiently
12. the more research i do, the less convinced i am that there is such a definite concept as "soulmates"
13. if i could have a dog, i would name it Peabody
14. i have cravings for strange things, like the ocean, spooning, and cheese steaks
15. i like to watch movies, but good books are still better
16. i just can't sit and watch the whole season of something in one shot without getting bored
17. my favorite jelly beans are the light purple ones or mint ones
18. someone today asked me which Disney prince i would marry: it would be the Beast
19. i hate going to the gym, however i love being in shape
20. text messages make me happy
21. i don't like awkward silences and try pathetically to fill them
    
22. i struggle to find a balance between putting effort into things, and letting things just happen
23. i do believe that there are certain people who are just meant to be with each other
    
24. i'm a hippy at heart...like the Van Morrison song..."a gypsy soul"
25. i am done with grad school :)
    

So Sick of Love Songs, So Tired of Tears

Here are my top favorite love songs of the week. Research them at your leisure.

Everything by Michael Buble

Crazy Love by Van Morrison (the version with Bob Dylan too is even better)

She is Love by Parachute VA (yes from the lotion commercial)

Lets Stay Together by Al Green

For the Longest Time by Billy Joel

The end :)

Realize

"Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you?

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no it's never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you."

What am I to you?

"What am I to you?
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call?
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darling true
What am I to you?"

I've Been MIA

"To know is nothing, to imagine is everything."

Always be classy, never be crazy...

So I read 187 pages today about "He's Just Not That Into You." There is nothing better than a book that strikes every note of the turmoil in your soul.

And so I share these pieces with you:

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should ONLY be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person. If he's not trying to romance your socks off with dates, flowers, and poetry, it should be because he's too engrossed with his couples counseling workbooks and is prioritizing getting back on the right track. If he's not doing any of that, he may love you, miss you, but ultimately, he's just not THAT into you."

"Love cures commitment phobias."

"A man who is really into you is going to want you all to himself."

"But all I can say is that I suffer from the affliction of believing I can have a wonderful man love me AND be wildly attracted to me."

"Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I've gotten older. But now I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved."

"What kind of knuckle head has a problem marrying the love of his life?"

"(About breaking up) A guy says he doesn't want to be with you. Sometimes that guy realizes he's made the biggest mistake of his life. And then sometimes he doesn't. Either way, your only job is to move on with your life, and fast. He can always try to chase you down as you are running down the block."

"If the person you "love" (notice the snotty quotation marks around that) cannot FREELY spend his days thinking about you and being with you, it's not real love."

"If he is really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn't lose you. Or he will make it clear to you how he feels, so there's no mystery, and tell you upfront that he's not up to it right now. And then you can best be sure, that the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you."

"The operative word in both cases here is "wait." You have to do the waiting - the biding your time, biting your tongue, keeping your needs quiet. He's so special, that guy. He deserves to have you sit around, putting your life on hold, not getting what you want, while he takes his time sorting it all out. He's that special. You, of course, aren't at all."

"At the very least, he should be asking you what kind of underwear you are wearing."

"I believe in love the verb, not the noun."

"Please remember that nothing is worse than longing for someone who doesn't want you. Even loneliness is better because with loneliness at least you have hope and possibility and imagination."

"A muffin is a toned down cupcake, don't let anyone tell you differently."

"So I say "Fuck Statistics." It's your life - how dare you not have faith in it!"

The Drive Home Song of the Day

"I am driving up 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom

Four more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
wood in places to make it feel like home
but all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

Either way, I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on me
but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
still "Everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask myself

If I'm living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, tell me why
Why, why Georgia why?"

Why Georgia, John Mayer

Sunday Morning

"Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow?"

This is not meant to make sense...

Cupid: Jack Johnson



"How many times must we go through this?

You've always been mine, i thought you knew this

How many times must we go through this?

You'll always be mine, Cupid only misses sometimes



But we could end up broken hearted

If we don't remember why this all started

And if they try to tell you love fades with time

Tell them there's no such thing as time

It's our time"



Beautiful Mess: Jason Mraz



"You've got the best of both worlds

You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy,

Humble but you're greedy

And based on your body language,

And shotty cursive I've been reading

Your style is quite selective,

Though your mind is rather reckless

Well I guess it just suggests

That this is just what happiness is



And what a beautiful mess this is

It's like we're picking up trash in dresses



Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write

Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction

But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear

'Cause here we are



Although you were biased I love your advice

Your comebacks they're quick

And probably have to do with your insecurities

There's no shame in being crazy

Depending on how you take these

Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging



Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades

And kind and courteous is a life I've heard

But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear

Cause here we are

We're still here

What a beautiful mess this is

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes



And through timeless words, and priceless pictures

We'll fly like birds not of this earth

And times they turn, and hearts disfigure

But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts

But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it."

If I Had Eyes

"If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away

If you could've tried to trust the hand that fed
You would've never been hungry
But you never really be

The more of this or less of this or is there any difference?
or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore?

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again
I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward
Can't give them enough but we just can't start over
Building with bent nails
We're falling but holding,
I don't wanna take up anymore of your time
Time time time

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again
I doubt I'm gonna win you back
When you got eyes like that
It won't let me in
Always looking out
Always looking"

Who Did You Think I Was?

"I got half a smile and zero shame
I got a reflection with a different name
Got a brand new blues I can't explain
Who did you think I was?

Every morning when the day begins
I make up my mind but change it back again
I'm a shifter of the shape I'm in
Who did you think I was?

You got my number but I always knew the score
Who did you think I was?

Am I the one who plays the quiet songs
Is He the one who turns the ladies on
Will I keep shining til my light is gone
Who did you think I was?

You got my number but I always knew the score
Who did you think I was?

Here is a line that you won't understand
I'm half of the boy but i'm twice the man
Carry the weight of the world in the palm of my hand
Who did you think I was?"

obviously a John Mayer sing this, but I still can relate.

Your Winter

"The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view

What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry , but for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here

The old picture on the shelf
Well it's been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We are acting like a child
Innocent and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while

You read my eyes just like your diary,
oh remember, please remember
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more
If I hurt you, then I hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you

I won't be your winter"

So Many Maybes

"I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe, maybe,maybe, yeah maybe

One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe, maybe,maybe, yeah maybe

I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might"

Better Days

"And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days..."

Split Screen Sadness

"We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

"All you need is love" is a lie 'cause
We had a love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it nobody’s fault cause there's
Nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It’s only the air you took and the breath you left

So maybe I’ll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on your porch 'til you come back home
Oh, right....
I can’t find a flight
So I’ll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight
Split screen sadness

I called
because
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don’t hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me ‘til your dying day
Don’t let me get away

Cause I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say 'this is the way that I used to be
There’s no substitute for time
Or for the sadness..."

Fools in April

So today was another decent day in a row? Is it possible to make it a week of decent days? Please stand by and I'll let you know.

I must say that Other Systems is a different beast. Although it is not in any way shape or form easy, the amount of work required is simply different. Its like recalling everything you've ever learned and then applying it to a really hard patient. I can't say I've got this down yet, but there is hope that some day, I might feel semi confident in treating a scary patient.

Another happy note is that today marked my 7th visit to the gym. This in itself is amazing since I never usually stick to a work out routine long. Whats more is I enjoy going?!? Its so nice to watch the sun rise while you listen to some good songs. "Its hard to sustain anger and sadness when you are sweaty and out of breath." I'm sure all the endorphins and the subsequent release of serotonin help too.

Anyway, although everything is not nearly fabulous, I'm feeling as though a little mermaid bandaid is nicely stuck to my heart, and hopefully it will stay there till the boo boo is better. Because the bandaid finally sticking is a good thing :)

Mmmm...You Smell like Dimatap!

So today was a day off and it was pretty good. It started with a trip to the gym and a nice tuberculosis shot but whatever. I left the house as the sun was rising. My MP3 player picked great songs on the car ride and at the gym. I then spent the morning working on our Issues in Health Care presentation which I must say was not as painful as I had anticipated. I would also like say, I hate current events, news, policy making, legislation, etc, but its ok because I got to be in charge of the citations!!! And read about people eating fried chicken?!?

Bridget and I then sat in the semi-circle called K (I believe) and enjoyed the afternoon sun. Although it was a bit chilly, it was so nice to be OUTSIDE and not scrunched up in a desk in the dark. Bess (the director of the PT program) gave us her plan for passing our boards, and all though the boards are still a horrifying eventual thing, its so great to see things winding down. I feel like we're in grade school, during thos elast weeks in June, where the teachers start to take down the classroom decorations to save them from the sunlight during the summer.

Honestly, I'm really not being sarcastic with any of this, although you might be thinking to yourself "That sounds like a pretty aweful day." It was one of those days that was just so free and peacful, that was simply untouchable by sadness and hurt. Even when those emotions threatened to attack, it was easy to say "Thats just horrible" and just laugh it off. Because somtimes things are just horrrible any way you look at them, so why not look at something else.

I particularly love Stefanie and how she'll turn to me when I tell her something that sucks, and she'll say "Well, I just don't like that" in this genuine and serious tone. Its a great answer for things, because it offers no judgement, no solution or advice. Just a simple assurance that I'm not the only one who thinks that way. Stefanie is also amazing because her tanning lotion smelled like Dimatap and so therefore she smelled that way too all throughout our liscensure lecture. Its all about the little things :)

Looking on the Bright Side and Balancing

"Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of, finally,
well I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words."

"Its Cold Living with Ghosts"

"You left open the window till the morning
And the winter walked in
Reality fired her wooden bullet
Splintered under our skin
They say I'm walking on freedom
This is freedom
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
I still don't blame you for leaving,baby
Its cold living with ghosts

I tear, I tear out my heart
And I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this, I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit...."

"But when you're standing at a crossroad, There's a choice you gotta make."

"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet."

Carrie Underwood

Sometimes Pandora picks really great songs that sum up the day. This would be exhibit A.

The Good, The Bad and the Funny

So today was a mix of things to say the least.

The Good:
-Finding an open computer lab with paper
-My hair day
-Staying in bed on a rainy morning
-Sleeping past 6:30 am!
-Getting out of class an hour and 15 minutes early
-Greta is having a baby!

The Bad:
-blah, blah, blah
-mew
-quack
-Dimitri Martin

The Funny:
-Kristen and her sassy teaching today in class
-Stefanie telling me I should write a PT textbook
-Jeremy and Sara at Sunrise Assisted Living
-Dick at assisted living tell me he didn't notice I'd been gone
-"Does that tack always belong in your foot?"
-Being called Tonto again
-Kim's cat, Holly

Maybe When Things Turn Green Again, It will be Good to Say You Know Me

"Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair

And now I'm walking in the park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me"

"Her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground"

"Anger he smiles, towering in shiny metallic purple armour
Queen jealousy, envy waits behind him
Her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground

Blue are the life-giving waters taken for granted,
They quietly understand
Once happy turquoise armies lay opposite ready,
But wonder why the fight is on

But they’re all, they're bold as love,
Yeah, they’re all, they're bold as love,
they’re all, they're bold as love
Just ask the axis

My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war,
and Ribbons of euphoria
Orange is young, full of daring,
But its very unsteady for the first go round
My yellow in this case is not so mellow
In fact I’m trying to say it’s frightened like me
And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from,
Giving my life to a rainbow like you

But I'm bold, I’m bold as love."

if you can't say anything nice...put in confusing song lyrics. the end.

Whatever Happened to My Lunchbox

"Whatever happened to my lunchbox, and when came the day when it got thrown away, and don't you think I should have had some say in that decision...."

Lol...another John Mayer quote, I know. But anyway, I bought myself a new fantastic lunchbox today to replace my huge blue box one and my too small little mermaid one. Its fabulous because A) it has polka dots, B) its is brown, white, teal, coral and lime green, all of which are colors I love, C) it was only like $11 at target, D) i got to go to target to get it, E) its something new that's different and me.

Aside from the fact that Other Systems is a crazy course full of lots of crazy Mary Lou ( I mean that in the most respectful way, as she is one of the most brilliant people I think I have ever met/ watched/ talked to) the beginning of Other Systems was in fact promising. I do so love starting the day off learning about oxytocin and prolactin (again, I'm being serious here!).

I even got myself up early out of this heavenly bed I have here at Kim's and went to the gym where I worked off some first day of school jitters and Goldfish. I also spent the day with my lovely PT soul mate Stefanie (she coined the phrase, not me) catching up on how great her life is and some much missed bonding. So overall, today was pretty good. And even better is that House is on tonight, to make me look cheerful in comparison.

Winter Just Wasn't My Season

"Winter just wasn't my season" just sums everything for the day up. Summer was fabulous. Fall was great. Winter just killed everything and turned it into a bizarro world. But spring has sprung so maybe good things are soon to come. Maybe not, but its always possible.

Turn that Clown Upside Down

I hate clowns. I am quite frightened of clowns. However, lately, clowns have been turning up in my life almost daily. On my calendar, on the radio, on TV, in my dreams, on greeting cards. When I say clown, I mean it literally, not figuratively. Clown as in painted faced circus inhabitant with funny shoes and a baggy outfit. I look forward to a day where my life is not plagued by clowns. The end.